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In reality, though, the issue of online cheating is more complex—especially when it concerns sexual activities involving actual interaction with other individuals.

People, consciously or not, consider their online sexual relationships as real—they experience psychological states similar to those typically elicited by offline relationships.

Many of them believe cybersex to be similar to pornography—an extension of fantasy that actually helps to keep them from physical affairs with other people.

Consider the following statement from a 41-year-old married man (all citations are from to cheat—something that may even add spice to their offline relationship.

He’s flying to Chicago soon (for another matter, not only to meet me) and there’s been some debate about whether we should meet somewhere out or if he just comes to my apartment and we [bleep] before we get to know each other in person.

Doing that sounds really, really hot to me, but the rational part of my brain is like, you definitely shouldn’t invite a random Internet person into your home before meeting in public. While it may indeed be hot to rip the clothes off an attractive stranger as soon as that stranger is in the same time zone as you, that hotness is not going to dissipate after a 20-minute chat and a bowl of queso dip. )It’s easy to be lured into thinking we can truly get to know a person without ever meeting them in person—online is certainly how we communicate with most people, most of the time, these days.

I’ve witnessed guys try to strike up sex talk at a crowded bar counter to no avail.

I cannot have been the only child of the Clinton era to have stumbled on the porn site doing social-studies homework.

I remember furtively clicking on thumbnail after thumbnail in an “Interns of the Month” gallery, watching spray-tanned haunches and balloon-taut breasts of girls posed around Oval Office interiors materialize, bit by it.

The author of The Joy of Cybersex, Deborah Levine, had spent several years counseling college undergraduates at the Columbia University Health Education program. Like earlier safe-sex activists, Levine used bullet-point lists to introduce the sites her readers should know and to teach them the language that they would need to thrive on them.

Levine encouraged them to use their computers to flirt, start online relationships, and explore their farthest-fetched fantasies without taking real-world risk. The pages she cited ran the gamut from tutorials for geeks, like to resources for free lovers like the Open Hearts Project and




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